I have broke down. I have broke down. I am stress with so many things. so many things that I am handling it all by myself. Yes I am bursting. bursting into tears. I have tried so hard all these while to be strong and able to cope well with everything. Maybe I am not trying hard enough?

Sch work and especially the attendance(I swear the fucking system is fucking fuck up! I don give a fuck care and as long as I do my project I do my work!), money, adapting the life when baby is not around and unable to contact him which I am only able to contact him at night like 2 hours chat per night? or not even have the chance to chat some of the days? seeing each other two days per week or even lesser. There are too many to list them down here in words.

Who do not want a good future? Who wan to suffer so much in life in the future?

I may be determined towards it but at the same time i am afraid. afraid of facing them.

I have friends say that my life has been stable down and all. No not at all. There are many fears in me. fears that I have to overcome and overlook it so that I can be happy and unlike now.

Baby was having his field camp since Monday. I can't contact him but only sms him like usual with no reply from him till tmr? He will only be back tmr? sigh. how about those 2 months trip to Brunei and Taiwan that he needed to go? Yes i know everyone have to been through this. But it is hard for me to get through all these things. I am not a strong person. I am not.

Maybe in my case, it is not as worst as compare to others? But i don think this kind of things are able to do comparison. Because each and everyone has different ways of dealing with things, different expectations and situations. Or maybe I should feel this way to make myself feel better that I am still the lucky one out there?

maybe I am jus making things complicated or sigh i don know.
I will be fine.